The world is upside down, my world is upside down. And even though I’m lucky to live in a social system, in a country that relatively cares for its people, I’m still feeling sad and hopeless sometimes.
People talk about the opportunities this situation gives us. About how we can stay focussed and how we can be inspired. How we can work efficiently, even now.
The thing is, I don’t want to do that. I want to enjoy my low days. I want to feel bored. I want to feel inefficient. At least for a little while. Because, there’s nothing wrong with that.
We should stop beating ourselves up for feeling feelings.
Sometimes it’s better to fully absorb the feelings you’re feeling. Ask yourself: what am I feeling and where does it come from? Who am I? What do I need to do to be happy? What values are important to me?
These questions have helped me a lot last weeks. I realised why I was feeling low. It was due to lack of contact with friends. I want to be valuable to my loved ones. Rather than being valuable to the hyperefficient economic. Yes, I need a job to pay the rent, to eat, to live, but I don’t want my persona to be about work.
The last year I’ve tried very hard to find a job and it didn’t work out. I’ve heard I was too ambitious and overqualified and I’ve heard I was too unexperienced. It made me so stressed and sad.
Now that everything in society has paused, I was able to see. The path I was trying to walk, wasn’t making me happy, even though I thought it would, when everything went right. But the thing is. Nothing ever goes right immediately. It’s a process of trial and error.
Therefore, I’ve decided to apply for another studies again. I will continue doing work for My slow world, and I will be focusing on art, DIYs and creativity. And I will try to walk another path.